You deserve to ask for what you need—without guilt, shame, or apology. But why is it that so many of us hesitate to advocate for ourselves? Perhaps it’s the fear of making others uncomfortable or the worry that we’re being a burden. As high-functioning professionals, these internal battles are often compounded by societal expectations, cultural pressures, and professional demands that make it difficult to prioritize our own well-being.

Whether it’s taking a much-needed vacation from work, scheduling “me time,” or asking for more emotional support, attention, or meaningful conversation in your personal relationships, your needs are valid. The truth is, prioritizing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s survival. Yet, despite knowing this, many of us still struggle with asserting our needs. The question is: When will you stop apologizing for what you need?

Why Do We Struggle to Ask for What We Need?

For high-functioning professionals, especially BIPOC, the hesitation to prioritize ourselves often runs deeper than just a lack of confidence or assertiveness. There are several underlying reasons why we struggle to advocate for ourselves:

  1. Fear of Discomfort or Rejection: We often worry that asking for what we need will make others uncomfortable or lead to rejection. This fear can stem from past experiences of being dismissed or invalidated, particularly in spaces where our voices are underrepresented or marginalized.
  2. Feeling Like a Burden: Many professionals of color are conditioned to believe that their needs should come last. Whether this stems from cultural upbringing or the pressure to “prove” oneself in predominantly white spaces, it can lead to a mindset where advocating for yourself feels burdensome to others.
  3. High Expectations and Perfectionism: High-functioning professionals often hold themselves to high standards. We internalize the belief that asking for help or taking a break is a sign of weakness or inadequacy, making it difficult to recognize and honor our needs.
  4. Navigating Professional Spaces as a Person of Color: In corporate environments, people of color often feel an additional pressure to conform, accommodate, or minimize their needs in order to be perceived as “team players” or to avoid being labeled as “difficult.” This added layer of expectation can lead to chronic burnout and resentment.

The Cost of Not Advocating for Your Needs

The inability to advocate for yourself isn’t just emotionally draining; it can also lead to:

  • Burnout: Continually putting others’ needs ahead of your own, whether at work or in personal relationships, can result in chronic stress, exhaustion, and burnout.
  • Resentment: When you don’t speak up for yourself, resentment can build—towards others and even towards yourself for not standing up for what you need.
  • Emotional Disconnection: Failing to express your needs can create emotional distance in relationships, as others may not understand what you’re experiencing or how to support you.
  • Loss of Self-Worth: Over time, neglecting your own needs can lead to a diminished sense of self-worth, as you begin to internalize the belief that your needs are not as important as others’.

Therapy and Coaching: The Path to Reclaiming Your Voice

Therapy and coaching can play a powerful role in helping high-functioning professionals of color reclaim their voices and advocate for their needs. These spaces offer a supportive environment to challenge the beliefs that have held you back and to practice new ways of expressing yourself.

Here’s how therapy and coaching can help:

  • Recognize and Validate Your Needs: Therapy and coaching can help you identify what you truly need and validate those needs as legitimate and worthy of attention. You’ll learn that your needs are just as important as anyone else’s and that advocating for them is an act of self-respect.
  • Address Underlying Beliefs: Working with a therapist or coach can uncover underlying beliefs that contribute to your hesitation to advocate for yourself, such as the fear of being judged or feeling like an impostor. By challenging these beliefs, you’ll begin to see self-advocacy as a sign of strength, not weakness.
  • Practice Self-Advocacy Skills: Coaching can provide tools and strategies for practicing self-advocacy in real-time scenarios, whether it’s setting boundaries at work or communicating your needs in relationships. The more you practice, the easier it becomes to advocate for yourself without guilt.
  • Develop a Self-Care Routine That Honors Your Needs: Self-care is about more than just bubble baths and spa days. Therapy and coaching can help you develop a self-care routine that’s rooted in honoring your needs—whether that’s taking time off, seeking emotional support, or setting boundaries to protect your energy.

How to Start Asking for What You Need—Without Guilt or Apology

If you’re ready to stop apologizing for your needs, here are a few tips to help you get started:

  1. Acknowledge Your Needs as Valid
    Begin by acknowledging that your needs—no matter how big or small—are valid and worthy of being met. Practice self-affirming statements like, “I deserve to have my needs met,” or “Prioritizing myself is an act of self-love.”
  2. Communicate Clearly and Directly
    When expressing your needs, be clear and direct. Avoid hedging statements like, “I know this might be asking too much…” Instead, state what you need and why it’s important to you, such as, “I need to take a day off to rest and recharge because I’ve been feeling overwhelmed.”
  3. Let Go of the Need for Approval
    Understand that not everyone will immediately understand or agree with your needs, and that’s okay. Your needs don’t require anyone else’s validation to be legitimate. Let go of the need for approval and focus on honoring yourself.
  4. Practice Setting Boundaries
    Setting boundaries is an essential part of advocating for yourself. Whether it’s saying no to additional work or limiting contact with energy-draining individuals, boundaries protect your well-being and create space for you to prioritize your needs.
  5. Engage in Regular Self-Reflection
    Take time to regularly reflect on your needs and whether they’re being met. Journaling or talking with a therapist or coach can help you stay connected to your evolving needs and reinforce the importance of advocating for them.

The Bottom Line: You Are Worthy of Your Needs

You have the right to prioritize yourself—without guilt or apology. Your needs, desires, and boundaries are not inconveniences; they are essential to your well-being and growth. The journey to reclaiming your voice and advocating for yourself begins with one simple step: acknowledging that you are worthy of asking for what you need.

When will you stop apologizing for your needs? The time to start is now. And you don’t have to do it alone. With the right support through therapy, coaching, or a combination of both, you can learn to embrace self-advocacy and create a life where your needs are honored and met.